Every drinking story started with a first sip. For a small number, that is where it ended as their body revolted, and the decision was made to swear off the drink for life. For most, the choice was made to power through the initial discomfort as the net effects of the altered state of mind outweighed the uneasiness of the swallow. A majority of this group drank and drinks today, for effect, and stops when the outcome no longer serves them.
We found ourselves in a third category; We, too, took the first sip, powered through the physical distress, embraced the impact of the numb, and made a career of chasing that initial buzz. This pursuit, which started harmlessly, morphed into a cycle of addiction that nearly destroyed us.
Most of the time we made decisions while under the influence. Our priority became the consumption of the very venom that sought to kill. We drank to live while losing the very life that was so important to us. We chose the minimal positive effects over the massive negative results. Insanity.
Being aware of the madness of our reality was not enough to halt the behavior. We were trapped in a spiraling sequence of self-destruction. We chose booze over everything: our health, jobs, financial responsibilities, friends, and the one that pains us most: the very families that held our hearts. We had broken trust with others – we had broken trust with ourselves. We were no longer ourselves. We had separated from life. We were present in body but absent in all things that mattered. We were soulless. This marker would later become our motivator.
See, for some; the tale ends in tragedy. For us, triumph.
We had hit a point of pain that screamed that this had to be done for good, that everything had to go. We came to a place where we realized we didn’t have the energy or know-how to overcome the mayhem that had overtaken us. We were left with no strategy, so we gave up the fight. Though this went against our very nature, we were down to our last breath and had become desperate for deliverance.
We whispered, “Help,” and help came. It came from the heavens, through the hands of those who loved us, and from strangers who knew us. There were answers to questions we never asked. A path was laid for us to follow. Completeness was possible, we were promised, if we stayed committed to comprehensive recovery.
We have found that the path is sometimes long and undoubtedly hard, as there is so much we can't control. Through surrender, we find guidance and inspiration from others who have achieved wholeness.
Our lives today are full of more blessings than we could ever have dreamed up ourselves. At every turn, we are reminded that we are doing the right thing and that our program is now working for us.
What strikes us these days is how our journey needed to be our journey. We had to experience the pain to appreciate the plenty. We keep that marker, the memories of what was, fresh in our minds to validate our next steps.
Today, years after our last sip, we take steps toward solid sobriety. We choose the positive over the negative. We decide daily not to take the next first sip that would destroy all that we have built on. We buy into the truth that recovery takes time.
Everything new starts with a first. We started with a sip and ended with a story. We feel it is our responsibility to share this message of hope.
This is our why.
Thoughts and ideas for this blog post were taken and built upon from a sober.coffee podcast #181 titled “Hide and Seek - a coffee with Paul Summers Jr.” … The podcast dropped on 9/11/2024. Click here to hear the podcast.
Photo by Robin Edqvist on Unsplash
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Alcoholics Anonymous and AA are registered trademarks of Alcoholics World Service. Inc. References to AA, the 12 steps, and 12 traditions does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. This publication is intended to support personal growth and should not be considered a substitute for healthcare professionals' advice. The author’s advice and viewpoints are their own.
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