Working with other alcoholics is the secret sauce in a successful recovery plan. This, we found, is sometimes not an easy undertaking. It turns out that we don’t like everybody. Our reality is that some people rub us the wrong way. We stretch to find similarities in scenarios that are so drastically different. We lean to the variations that cause space and not the similarities that gap hope.
Once we understood the above, we had to accept that everybody might not like us and that we, in fact, rub others the wrong way. The truth is that we don’t always make the best first impressions on others. We may come off as disingenuous, pampas, dishonest, flirtatious, inconsistent, impatient, negative, or shallow.
Often, we fail to reflect who we are at our core. A misguided smirk, an off-color comment, an uncomfortable glare, or an inappropriate touch could turn the electricity of potential into a tidal wave of negativity. Repairing awkward introductions proves difficult, as experts suggest, “People tend to get attached to their initial impressions of others and find it very difficult to change their opinion, even when presented with lots of evidence to the contrary.”
Interaction is essential in a society of sobriety, so we had to learn the disciplines of tolerance, acceptance, patience, openness, and a willingness to break through barriers formed by our failings. We had to love without condition the one who had been placed as our responsibility. We had to press for the comfortable in an uncomfortable situation.
Bill Wilson, one of the founding fathers of AA, penned the words of the Big Book five years into his sobriety and did it alongside a hundred other alcoholics. With so many differing opinions, one has to wonder how many sessions were combative - fraught with disagreement. Yet, the similarities won out over the differences in a common quest to reach those outside their geographic circle. The Book provides a step-by-step guide to recovery and includes a plethora of testimonies so that everyone has an opportunity to find the thread that unifies.
The point of this post is that we have come to believe that seeking similarities and commonalities is the key to our success—with ourselves and with others. Landing on the likenesses leaves us liberated to work toward a shared goal: successful sobriety.
Desperate for healing and at the height of our pain, we were told to go to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. We were warned that this might be uncomfortable. We were counseled not to let a first impression scare us off. We went and listened. We agreed with some and discounted others. What we saw was proof in others. What we heard was hope. What we learned was that we were not so different than most. With each meeting, we were transformed, ever so slightly, into a healed human.
We are thankful for those that went before us. We are grateful for this inspired program.
We hope and pray that we can be a conduit to the still-suffering alcoholic. We strive to make a good first impression but understand we might not be their flavor of choice. We stand ready to accept all those who stand ready to recover.
We hope this writing begs the newbie to try, try, and try again – to grab onto the sliver of similarity that will deliver on its promise of a serenity found through true sobriety. We hope that peace finds those who pursue this inspired program. We trust that those ready will be touched by the truth that transformation exists for everybody.
We found ourselves impressed.
Thoughts and ideas for this blog post were taken and built upon from a sober.coffee bonus podcast #190 titled "Trust - the essence of recovery; coffee with Carole" The podcast dropped on 11/13/2024. Click here to hear the podcast.
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Alcoholics Anonymous and AA are registered trademarks of Alcoholics World Service. Inc. References to AA, the 12 steps, and 12 traditions does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. This publication is intended to support personal growth and should not be considered a substitute for healthcare professionals' advice. The author’s advice and viewpoints are their own.
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