We are not meant to do life alone.
We went it on our own for a long stretch, and the result was a near-death experience. We fought for our independence and won, and solitude was our trophy. Isolation drew the walls in and darkened our world. The universe turned cold, and our every breath was a labor. We got what we wanted: an existence secluded from all that was real.
We hear the same sad story from the thousands we have met on the sober path. Their tendency, like ours, is to coil back and separate from the society that stands ready to support. It is hard to make the transition, to bust through the walls that took years to build.
We knew communities existed but also knew that the us we had become and our habits would not be received so we stopped trying. Early on, there were drinking buddies, but they went away as fast as the alcohol evaporated into our mouths. We came to a certain understanding that nobody understood us.
When first introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous, we fought not with the notion that we could get better but with the statement that it would be the society that would accomplish the task. We heard the laughter and saw the comradery but could not envision ourselves in this almost made-up scenario.
There was more; we internally argued the spiritual positioning as we had a zero-to-poor relationship with whoever got us into this mess. We heard immediately and often the need to connect with a higher power for strength and thought that these two strikes were just what we needed—a reason to fail.
But desperation trumped this easy excuse of a victory. We were so severely wounded that going back out was off the table. We were too weak to fight, so we sat. We listened. We discounted some, and some soaked in. The laughter and tales of fellowship continued, and we continued to resist.
At some point, we realized that what they were preaching, they were practicing. We heard the word we more than I. We witnessed the transformation of those more stubborn than us. We saw the hurt heal and softened our detached and independent stance.
When we began to open our minds to the entirety of the program—the step work, the fellowship, the spirituality, and the service—we began our journey to a newness we never imagined.
We didn’t turn on a dime in any of these areas but slowly allowed our bodies to lead and our brains to follow. We came to meetings a little early and made painful small talk until our chatting morphed into something meaningful. We hung around a few minutes after the meeting and performed the mundane, emptying the trash and sliding chairs into place. We awkwardly attended the barbeque, signed up for the picnic, and participated in a game of pickleball. It was not earth-shattering for the average person, but a ten-point quake for us.
Along the way, we began to scratch the surface of our beliefs about creation and all things spiritual. We rejected most of what we had learned through life about religion. We established a relationship with our version of a higher power. Nobody in the fellowship seemed to care what our take was or force their version on us.
Today, we often gather with our program friends. We hang out, converse, and, yes, laugh a lot. We are growing in our relationship with our higher power, relying on it more than we ever thought we would.
We have become the same people we dreaded in the early days. We empathize with the newcomer and don’t press the issues too much, as we feel they will catch up at their pace. This is not a sprint; it is a marathon. Strength, stamina, spirituality, and a society of support have served us and millions of others well, and we believe they will continue for years to come.
Yes, AA is a spiritual program that relies on special fellowship. There are suggestions, sponsors, and silly sack races. We are grateful that we were led to open up just a crack and allowed to experience life at its fullest because of it.
More than most, we appreciate the contrast between where we were and where we are. Dark to light. Cold to warm. Tears to laughter. Death to Life.
We know that we did not do this alone. We know ourselves better than to believe that lie. It took a power greater than ourselves and a fellowship of the selfless.
Thoughts and ideas for this blog post were taken and built upon from a sober.coffee podcast #62 titled “Mindset Expert Alexis - Shares Her Story” … The podcast dropped on 6/1/2022. Click here to hear the podcast.
Photo by Craig Whitehead on Unsplash
BLOG DISCLAIMER:
Alcoholics Anonymous and AA are registered trademarks of Alcoholics World Service. Inc. References to AA, the 12 steps, and 12 traditions does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. This publication is intended to support personal growth and should not be considered a substitute for healthcare professionals' advice. The author’s advice and viewpoints are their own.
Comments