For years, we built a fence around ourselves. We kept the alcohol in and the people out. We kept our lies on the inside and the truth outside. Fear and anger festered within while joy and peace existed – just out of reach. Health slid dormant in the confines we guarded so as we deteriorated with each breath. Numbness was the norm in our dark narrows, and feelings were chugged away as in the wind. Feelings were frowned on and only presented most inappropriately.
As bad as it was, we protected it with all our might. It was all we knew. Self-preservation and self-satisfaction guided each step. We were set on being permanently set. We threw up our fence and warned others of the ramifications of penetration—the sludge we guarded with our lives.
In a moment of clarity, we came to understand that we were securing the wrong stuff. This change in course and landscape gave us eyes that saw new possibilities and potential. In that moment, we came to believe.
Since that tick in time, what we fortify has adjusted to include our new priorities: Sobriety, faith, family, and friends. As our sobriety is more important to us than what the world, or anybody in it, thinks of us, we have deployed a badass border wall to keep what we have gained while protecting it from outside influences.
With each new razor wire installed, we are determined to use that same energy of self-preservation and self-satisfaction for the good of the gift we have received. Preserving what we have today while adding to the enjoyment that eluded us for so long, we pay attention to every detail of the barrier we are erecting.
We have become comfortable, yes, confident, as we know the ongoing efforts to construct a stronghold capable of the attacks that will come from the outside and through our own head trash. We throw caution at cockiness paying attention to the offensive while remaining defensive.
We strive to stay in a zone that is self-aware and open to accountability. We live thoughtfully by saying no when risk attempts a breach and yes when it is time to grow.
We have vehemently protected our trash for so long—how much more valuable are the treasures we possess today? We give this new life its best chance. We don’t need to explain or justify our apparent selfishness. We post the wins – and feel good about it.
Now it's time to get back to building, as the more we gain, the more we need to protect.
Happy to be fenced in today.
Thoughts and ideas for this blog post were taken and built upon from sober.coffee podcast #173 titled “The Power of NO (and yes)” The session dropped 7/17/2024. Click here to hear the podcast.
Photo by Simon Maage on Unsplash
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Alcoholics Anonymous and AA are registered trademarks of Alcoholics World Service. Inc. References to AA, the 12 steps, and 12 traditions does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. This publication is intended to support personal growth and should not be considered a substitute for healthcare professionals' advice. The author’s advice and viewpoints are their own.
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