“Nobody ever fakes depression – they fake that they are ok.”
Social media meme, author unknown
We are not lost in the importance of getting this post right.
Our life journey has stretched us through decades of unique experiences. We celebrated victories and rights of passages along the way, as well as sufferings as we collapsed under the strain of trauma-induced losses.
Somewhere along the line, we chose alcohol as a medicater. We drank to perk up and drank to slow down. We drank to enhance the good experiences, and we drank to numb the feelings associated with the bad experiences. We drank when we were happy, and we drank when we were sad.
Alcohol is a depressant. We researched this statement diligently for this writing as we had heard the declaration often from friends and doctors while we were in the throes of our abuse. Although some argue its ability to stimulate, we uncovered that no one disagrees with labeling the liquid a depressant.
Unbeknownst to us, we were injecting a depressant into our system. We were overriding natural chemical makeup intended to be balanced. We were causing depression where none existed while exasperating the depression that did exist.
We reached a pinnacle of pain when we arrived at the passionless point. We were pleasure deaf. We felt like crap, encompassed hollowness, and knew that something had gone terribly wrong. All that interested us had faded to gray. We pleaded with anyone who might listen that it was not the drink but the dark that consumed us.
We crawled to the medical community for help. With few facts, they chimed in with a plethora of clinical diagnoses that included Hypomania, Bipolar, Major Depressive Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, and even Schizophrenia.
Prescriptions were ordered, and a dangerous period of mixing booze with pharmaceuticals ensued. The results were tragic as the depression ramped up and our faith in relief evaporated. Suicidal thoughts and death by drink became acceptable mental defaults.
Close to death, a miracle of the mind altered our course and changed our destiny. We put a stopper in the hole, but the elevated water level remained, and instantaneous relief was not to be had. In reality, we were feeling worse as exposed pain was now untreated. We were left with a chemical mess now complicated as we were facing emotions for the first time since childhood.
Time moved us to process management, and the healing began. Today, we can say that we are in check. We recognize pain and our inherent desire to avoid it. We have valuable tools at our disposal and deploy them as needed. We live with depression, both situational and, most likely, some degree of clinical, with our faith, the help of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and some professional counseling.
But what about the drugs? What about the chemical imbalance that caused the diagnosis presented to us earlier? Look, we are not MDs, PhDs, RNs, or LPNs—we are not trained in or offer medical advice to anyone. We are just two guys who share their own personal experiences. We highly recommend seeking professional medical support if you are feeling depressed or out of sorts in any way.
Mike and Glenn owned their own recovery while often following the guidance of the trained community. Glenn has titrated down to a drug-free state while Mike maintains a low-dose, non-narcotic prescription mix to ensure his clinical depression does not affect his quality of life. Neither is the right or wrong way, and in our opinion, it is a decision of the sobriety team that one assembles. As for Alcoholics Anonymous, membership only demands a desire to stop drinking, and the organization has an excellent brochure on the use of prescription medicines.
In closing, we share that hope guided us and disciplines delivered us from a bleak existence. There IS a solution to the drink problem and there IS a world that exists of those who truly understand the pain of the plight and possess a path to healthy living.
If suicidal thinking exists within you today, we urge you to dial 988 immediately.
If you think nobody understands, think again.
If alcohol consumption is a problem, reach out to podcast@sober.coffee
We hope this writing is a hope to those battling depression.
Thoughts and ideas for this blog post were taken and built upon from sober.coffee podcast #56 titled “Depression in Sobriety - It is REAL !!” The session dropped 4/27/2022. Click here to hear the podcast.
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
BLOG DISCLAIMER:
Alcoholics Anonymous and AA are registered trademarks of Alcoholics World Service. Inc. References to AA, the 12 steps, and 12 traditions does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. This publication is intended to support personal growth and should not be considered a substitute for healthcare professionals' advice. The author’s advice and viewpoints are their own.
Comments