Life was not all we wanted it to be. We needed a change; we were desperate for a pivot. Life had become a series of disappointments and defeats, and we had invested in a solution that ultimately failed us. The community we once had had left us – or we left them. We were as we wanted to be, alone. Black was our past and bleak our future. Our heads screamed for better as our hands tipped the bottle.
The real struggle came down to our inability to handle the drink. We loved the first sixty seconds of the experience, but maintaining that state proved impossible as sips turned into gulps. The bliss evaded us; instead, we were delivered to an environment of agony.
As dismal as the above paragraphs read, we were content with the stay as we couldn’t imagine life without the spirits. For us, however, we had painted ourselves into the proverbial corner – we had no other frickin choice but to wake up and walk in a different direction.
Though we had made certain vows in the past, there came a moment when the want was greater than the sum of what we had. The desire came from the deep, and the draw was distinct. To be clear, there was no thought of forever abstinence but a quick plea for relief. We couldn’t take a year, so we just took a day. Subconsciously, we knew we could go back, but as time went by, we came to realize that going forward was the better direction.
One would think a lightning strike would accompany this critical moment, but not for us. A simple breath was all the fanfare we could marshal. Our awakening would come later.
First, we had to find a walk—a stride that would pace us toward the support that would see us through. This journey, we were told, would take time. This process, we were shown, would take determination and consistency. We had to come to expect the hurdles and hurts that come with any worthwhile endeavor. We had to come to an understanding that recovery was about not only behavioral change but a complete lifestyle transformation.
We sought substance in this thing called sobriety as we couldn’t afford to hold a flimsy lifeline. Our life depended on it. We looked for specifics, not generalizations, and dug to the bone to uncover the details that would derail our old patterns and set new ones in their stead.
As our sights drifted from not drinking to personal development, we found the peace touted by many. We saw strength in stories of salvation. We were presented with practical alternatives to the acts of our yesterdays. We learned of ourselves by being ourselves. We grew daily by diligently studying through the reading, listening, and watching of others walk the talk.
All of this came to us in the meeting halls of Alcoholics Anonymous and with the guidance of an experienced and compassionate sponsor. And, all possible because we first desired and then followed simple direction.
Today, we can honestly say that life is all we want it to be—not perfect, but more than we ever imagined possible.
Somewhere in there was an awakening, a realization that what we needed we possessed - an awakening that sobriety is the better way.
Thoughts and ideas for this blog post were taken and built upon from a sober.coffee bonus podcast titled “Special Guest: Veronica Valli - Author of “Soberful” The podcast dropped on 7/3/2022. Click here to hear the podcast.
Photo by Anjo Cerdeña on Unsplash
BLOG DISCLAIMER:
Alcoholics Anonymous and AA are registered trademarks of Alcoholics World Service. Inc. References to AA, the 12 steps, and 12 traditions does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. This publication is intended to support personal growth and should not be considered a substitute for healthcare professionals' advice. The author’s advice and viewpoints are their own.
Comments